Sunday, July 17, 2011

Buck up, Steph!

Jeff's at cancer camp this week as the camp doc. He and the camp kids and other staff get to float down the Salmon River all week. I wonder what it's like right now for him with the sun just setting and the day cooling off. I wonder if their campfire is burning low and if he's strumming his guitar while the river's flow sings in accompaniment. I wonder if the mosquitoes are buzzing, if the food tastes marvelous (doesn't it always taste better outside?), if the canyon walls have darkened their day early. I wonder if the kids feel the wonder of life and living, the beauty of the world around them, and if their senses (like mine) are heightened in the wild. I imagine the day was spent with laughter as the river carried them downstream, and the night is spent with stories and song as their bodies sink into rest.
I miss my Jeffrey. Funny how my daily living is really not that different with him out of town since he's so seldom home anyway, but just knowing he's out of reach makes me want to find him. I hope he's happy and helping the camp kids make great memories.
Meanwhile, life goes on here. Swimming lessons, soccer practices, soccer games, piano lessons, Cub Scouts, 11-year-old Scouts, birthday party (Sam's turning 12!!!!!????), and a race to get ready for Saturday.
A race? Oh, yes, a race. Oliver is running the 5K, Sam's registered for the 10K (although he may change his mind and do the 5K instead), and I'm signed up for the 10K. Not a big deal - except that somebody (me) is injured (again) and can't run. I haven't run for a week. That might not seem like a big deal to others, but it is to me. My sweet running partner is a Physical Therapist and has been helping me. My rotten leg, however, has not been cooperating. I've been on my bike more in the past two weeks than I have in the past two years as I try to maintain my fitness without ruining my leg. I admit that I now really like cycling. My longest ride (it's nothing compared to my husband's rides) was a 30 miler this week - and if I had had time I would've kept going. I've also had some good swims (including an open-water swim in my new wetsuit, which I don't like - I prefer my old one) and also am getting strength training in, and yesterday went roller-blading around the park so I could keep up with the kids on their bikes.
Still, as much fun as that all is, I do miss running. A lot.

So there you go. I miss Jeff. I miss knowing he's near enough that I could call if I needed. I miss having him come home to help tuck the kids into bed. I miss hearing the garage door open when he turns into the driveway.
And to a lesser degree, I miss running. I miss feeling my legs move me up a hill and my stride change to meet my goals. I miss watching the sun rise over the farmer's fields as I run run run.

Guess who's feeling melancholy?

My brother Don gave the most amazing talk in church today. Don is quadriplegic. He was born with Cerebral Palsy and has never been able to walk, use his arms, or speak clearly. Nobody has ever invited him to speak in church before. But Brother Kelly broke the unspoken rule and asked him to do it. What a wonder it was.
"This is my first sacrament meeting talk ever," he began, "so I hope you'll be patient with me as I talk about patience." The congregation was hooked. You could have heard a pin drop during the next few minutes as Don's spirit spoke to ours, even when his voice was difficult to understand. He sat up front, off to the side, with his computer to read from and my dad holding the microphone for him. Fortunately, his words were projected onto the drop-down screen at the front of the church so we could read along, one line at a time (power point is awesome!) as he talked about learning patience, including how he has to be patient with his body's limitations.
Patience with a body that doesn't work and a mind that knows, and a life destined to be single until the next life...
I suppose I can be patient with my leg that hurts a little. I suppose I can be patient with missing a spouse that I at least have home sometimes. I have every reason to be grateful for what I have.
Oh, my, I have so much to learn.


  1. Thank you for this. I spoke in church today too. It was a good talk, but I can't imagine anything more powerful than listening to Don speak about patience. I can imagine something amazing from what you wrote.

  2. That Brother Kelly must be a genius. I have only met Don once (maybe twice?) but his spirit is remarkable. As is yours. Thanks for this post. I needed to hear it right now.

  3. We all miss Jeff in his business, not that it could be compared to how you miss him. I extol you much as the women of the pioneer ages when the did it all alone without their men while they were off creating the Kingdom and the women stayed home and built it and kept it going. You are a builder and a safe keeper.

  4. so glad don was given that opportunity! it made me teary eyed! i hope your leg recovers well, steph and a happy 12th birthday to samuel! you are amazing!