Just Plain Angry

I have a bone to pick with certain "ladies." I am not at all pleased. They have robbed my sweet little boy of precious innocence. It was bound to happen eventually, but I am not resigned to accept it without speaking my mind.

At recess one day, a boy on the playground told my son about a funny website address he should check out. The address name was catchy, so my little guy remembered it. For a whole year it sat buried in the recesses of his mind, untouched, until one day it reared its ugly head. It was on a day, in a tiny and terrible moment, when I stepped outside, briefly leaving my son inside and alone with my iPad.

He didn't have permission to get on it, and I hadn't set up the password protection, so two strikes against us. He should have been obedient. I should have been more vigilant. Lessons learned.

Within five minutes after I stepped outside, my boy came to find me on the driveway. He was ashen, his eyes had the "deer in the headlights" look, and I thought he was about to throw up. He looked at me blankly, then his lips quivered, and he started to cry. He stammered out the words, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

Some people dismiss the idea of parents' intuition or spiritual guidance, but it is as real as sight, touch, or any other sense. Instantly I knew everything - exactly what had happened to my son, what he had done, and why he was in such despair.

And was I ever mad.

Not at my son, but at the people who had found pleasure in doing something that would make a young child quake. I was furious that they had unveiled to the world - to my son - things that any respectable person would shun and keep private. What has happened to common decency? Why have boundaries been shattered? Do these people consider for a moment the ramifications of their actions? Do they think of a young child in Idaho who will cry at their pictures, run for help, have disturbing thoughts cross his mind, be unable to focus? When they see a sweet little boy on the street are they thinking about how to destroy his peace? How to hurt him? And not just my son or any other child, but what about the families they ruin, the husbands they destroy, the lives they infect? I know, I know - for the people who go searching out such websites, there is definitely accountability. And although in such cases both parties are at fault, neither's fault is mitigated by the other's participation - they are both 100% at fault. But not my son. The damage done to him was undeserved. And I hold those ladies accountable.

So I stood on the driveway, frozen in time as I held my son and prayed for guidance. He begged me to get the pictures out of his mind. He begged me to forgive him. He begged me to help him feel clean, to find peace.

How? How could I wipe clean the filth they'd shown him?

I couldn't. I don't know that those smutty images will ever go away completely. They'll pop into his mind at the worst times for the rest of his life. Our minds sometimes do that to us, even if we don't want it.

But I could direct him to the one source that he could find comfort, and I could teach him to deal with the disgusting pictures that were haunting him.

When we are exposed, intentionally or not, to things that hurt our spirits, we need to turn to him who can heal us. And my son was hurting. Christ, the Great Physician, can bind up those wounds. He can take us away from the hurt of our own evil acts through repentance, but he can also remove the hurt of other's evil acts through his healing power.

I told my wounded boy that I truly believed he could find peace through praying and by reading the scriptures. Trusting me, he went to his room and prayed. Teaching a child the way to pray is one thing, but turning it over to him to do it on his own is another. Worrying, I watched him walk away, wondering how things would go, praying for the best, but I didn't follow him. I could not offer him more, so I entrusted him to the Lord.

About twenty minutes later, he came and found me, all signs of distress replaced by a smile and light in his eyes. He was at peace as he showed me something he'd found in his scriptures:

"And now, my son, I trust that I shall have great joy in you, because of your steadiness and your faithfulness unto God: for as you have commenced in your youth to look to the Lord your God, even so I hope that you will continue in keeping his commandments; for blessed is he that endureth to the end." (Alma 38:2).

It had spoken to him and he had found strength. I sent a little prayer of thanks heavenward. It was a great teaching moment as we compared and contrasted the despair he had felt in front of wickedness to the true happiness he felt when he aligned his life with goodness.

I wish that had been the end of his problems, but it wasn't. Later that evening, he again lost his smile, lost his peace, lost his innocence as the pictures returned to plague his mind. We took the kids out to eat that night, hoping it would lighten the mood. He's the kind of kid that enjoys food.

But he wouldn't touch his plate. I felt sick to my stomach as I watched my little guy stare miserably at his food, knowing of the turmoil in his head and heart. He was physically ill.

Over-reaction? No, not at all. He is sensitive, though, and had not known such evil existed. Sensitive, yes, but also strong. Strong enough to run from the evil that others might find enticing, strong enough to ask for help, strong enough to realize there is no peace down that road.

I tried giving him suggestions, coping strategies, love, help, distractions. Eventually he went to sleep that night, but he didn't sleep well. Thankfully, the next few days were fine. He was able to find other things to occupy his mind. But about a week later, after we'd put all the kids to bed, he walked into my room where I reading. His eyes were focused on the floor. When he did look up at me, it was with a pleading look for help. The pictures were back in his mind. He didn't even say a word, but nodded when I asked if that was what bothered him.

Again, I held him close, praying for help. Jeff walked in and I knew that I could do nothing but point my child in the right direction. I turned him over to Jeff, requesting a Father's Blessing for our boy.

The blessing brought great comfort and help to our son. He went quietly back to bed and slept soundly. He has not had been disturbed since, but neither has he forgotten. (When he saw me writing this post, he knew instantly what it was, and helped me find the scripture that had helped him.) But he has been strengthened to where the images mean nothing to him - he dumps them out of his mind as one would dump out trash.

That's what it is. Pornography is trash. Filth. Smut. It is full of debilitating and addicting garbage that we cannot let infect us. For those who struggle with it, it can be overcome with the Lord's help. People can be healed, whether they have an addiction problem or are hurt from a loved-one who struggles with it. It may mean having to turn for help over and over again for as long as needed - like my son who kept coming back for help instead of caving beneath the burden.

I have dear friends whose spouses (husbands, in these cases) would not give up the sick and dangerous thrill. The marriages ended in divorce because the addict chose a virtual, vile world instead of the real, wholesome life that had been their marriage. The children cry for the father, the wife for the husband, the mother for the son...

On the other hand, I also have dear friends whose husbands also tripped up (sometimes pretty seriously) yet sought forgiveness, gave up the vice, and were made whole again. Now they are people who, like my son, see the images as revolting deviances of something that should be pure, private, respected. They see women not as objects to be used, abused, possessed, but as real human beings, and as real people - someone's daughter, a sister, a friend, perhaps someone's mother - with a soul and mind so much more precious and important than the body they inhabit. If only the women could see themselves that way, too...

So yes, it made me mad. As mad as I've ever been. How dare they mess with my family, my pure little son, our sheltered, peaceful life? But it also made me thankful for the guidance and help from the Savior. My son was robbed a part of his childhood and will never regain that. What he does have now is the too-early strength of a righteous man, and too-soon sombre realization that all is not well in this world. And while my son found out there is gloom in the presence of evil, he also found there is joy in goodness. Perhaps he - perhaps all of us -can help our world family - our sisters, our brothers - want to behave. There is indeed peace in righteous doing.

The Best Birthday Gift I'll Never Ask For Again. Probably. Maybe. We'll see.

When Jeff asked me what I would do if I had all the time to myself I wanted, I thought it was a hypothetical question. So, hypothetically, what would I do?

Run, of course. I've often wondered how long I could run if I had the time.

Guess what Jeff gave me for my birthday? Yep, all the time I wanted for a run as long as I wanted. He even took the day off of work so he could take care of the girls while I went for a run on my birthday. Wow. Thanks, Jeff. The run was awesome, but the best thing was how loved I felt.

The Birthday Run:

The night before, I set out my gear. I have gels, vaseline, camelback, iphone (complete with a new book to listen to on the run) and iphone arm case, jacket, gloves, tights, shirts, socks, shoes, jacket, hat, jogger's mace, Shot Bloks, Cliff bar, Ibuprofen, Hammer supplements, toilet paper, headphones, and a tentative route mapped out. I am ready.

Monday morning, 5:30 - up, fueled, hydrated, dressed, packed. I'm moving slowly. Do I really want to do this? Sure. Why not.

6:20 am - The run begins. And immediately plans change. I make it to the end of my driveway before deciding to run my route backwards. This means I'm beginning my run with a good couple of miles uphill, into headwinds. Fine. No big deal. I'm still fresh and the morning is young.

7:00 am - I decide to take a completely different route than the mapped one, for the time being, anyway. Of course.

8:00 am - I've wound my way around Rexburg and am finally heading out of town, away from traffic. The book I'm listening to is a mystery called, "The Language of Bees." I'm learning about bees. And Sherlock Holmes. And the book's heroine - his wife.

9:00 am - I'm back on my planned route, having taken the long way to get there. But I miss a turn-off so I have to back track a bit. I'm running slowly and steadily, enjoying the countryside, enjoying the time to myself, enjoying the book, loving the feeling of running and not even realizing I'm moving - it is effortless. For now.

10:00 am - I'm taking my supplements every hour to stave off fatigue, but I'm beginning to feel spent anyway. I take another gel, slowly so as not to cause stomach pain. I keep the gel in my hand and squeeze a bit at a time under my tongue, wait for it to dissolve, then get up the courage to take some more, repeating the process until it is all gone. Nasty stuff, those gels. Hammer is the least nasty, though. Still, they're all way too sweet (which is why I put it under my tongue, to avoid tasting it as much as possible).

10:10 am - I'm at the bottom of Summer's Hill, a long, fairly steep never-ending three-mile hill. Three miles of just up up up. To my right is the road that heads back to Rexburg. It's a tiny bit hilly, but not much. What should I do? I've been running for hours and hours. Can my body handle Summer's Hill, or should I opt for the Moody Road, looping up to the Sugar City Cemetery and heading home as quickly as possible?

Silly me. I take Summer's Hill, which is bad enough on its own, but I am now not only running uphill after 22 miles and too many hours on my feet, I am also running uphill into a 20 mph headwind.

I'm not so sure you can call this "running." I think "crawling" is a more accurate description. But I'm doing it and I make it. Then at the top of Summer's Hill, I run out of water.

10:45 - I'm running home. I am tired. I have no water. I am dehydrated. I have a phone and I consider calling Jeff, but I'm so close - I want to finish this. I'm on the dry farms, only occasionally passed by a farmer in his truck. I don't feel isolated because I know my husband can track me. I try to focus on the book, but the words are not making sense. Then I do the unthinkable - I stop.

It's just for a moment, but I know I can't stay still. I know my muscles will seize up. I tell myself I won't get home any faster if I walk. I have to remind my mind what my goal is and why I need to keep going. There's a lot of self-talk going on right now. I try to listen to the tiny, rational voice telling me what I need to hear instead of the screaming siren in my body yelling at me to give up. I stumble forward until I can control my legs again. I make myself run. I make my feet move, make my body tip forward so gravity can help me in this controlled fall we call running. I get going again, setting little goals: just three more telephone poles, just to the next field, just to the crest of the hill, just to the potato cellar, just to the next road...

11:30 - my GPS tells me I've gone 28+ miles. I'm in my neighborhood. I can either run around the block to make it to an even 30, or I can finish by just turning down the hill to my house and end at 29 miles. I'm so thirsty. I'm so tired. I decide to just stop in at home for a quick drink then run another mile to make it 30. But as I turn down to my house and look at my yard, the sight before me makes a sob catch in my throat. My eyes want to cry but there is no spare water in me. I kind of laugh and kind of whimper out loud because look - there is my husband and there are my daughters, waiting for me on the lawn, yelling out, "Go, Mommy, go! Go, Mommy, go!" I don't care one bit that I'm losing that last full mile, I'm going to stop for my family and relegate this run to where it belongs - second place, like Jeff's gift today of putting me first and letting work come second.

11:40 am - I get my hugs, I get my water, but I know I can't stay put, not because I'm being compulsive but because I don't want my legs to seize up. I head back out of the house to finish my run, this time with two little girls by my side. They're running faster than me. I love it. We make a little loop, ending with my birthday run being just over 29 miles. Not 30. But close enough and good enough.

And the best part of the run? The end. Definitely. Talk about feeling loved. Jeff and the girls were tracking my progress on the computer by following my phone. They saw when I slowed, when I walked, when I stopped. They saw my decision to come home instead of rounding the block. They were ready and waiting for me. The 29.55 miles was a great birthday present, but the best gift was the love of the person who gave it to me. And the little girls who cheered me in. And the sweet sons who were proud of their mom at the end of the day.

(For the record, I did walk some more afterwards, so I suppose I can say 30, but in my mind the running part was 29.55. I ran 31 miles in September, but that was the end of race season, this is just the beginning, and I'm not in nearly the shape I was in then!)

After a shower and a hefty (but safe) dose of Ibuprofen, Jeff and the girls took me out to lunch. Then while Jeff and Oliver cooked my birthday dinner, the girls and I played in the pool. Sam came home from later from school, and then we were finally all together. I got to eat a delicious dinner (Cajun red beans & rice), and scrumptious Coldstone ice cream cake before opening presents, including jewelry made by my children just for me! They'd spent a lot of time the day before carefully threading beads and stones onto a necklace, bracelet, and earrings. As they said, I looked like the "Ultimate Tikki Mom" with the jewelry on. :)

I was spoiled with new running clothes, a great new cookbook from my favorite restaurant in Salt Lake (The Roof) (thank you Mum, Dad & Don!), more Hammer supplements (I love 'em!), lotion, bread, other gifts, and lots of birthday wishes. And of course, don't forget my unlimited running time! Although, as great as the run was, I don't know if I'll ask for that gift again...yeah, it was brutal. But also beautiful.

Giant Cupcakes DONE! And Back to Healthy

We've had a nice week, which means nothing really bad happened. The kids and Jeff went to a BYU Basketball game and cheered on Jimmer and the team. They had a good time while Charlotte and I had a GREAT time lounging around at home.

We were all healthy most of the week, although we've got a new cold creeping into our family now. Jeff got some good bike rides in, I had some good runs - even an outside run! - and stair climbing and rode my trainer once. We all spent a lot of time in the pool, too.

Spring is in the air - I'm so excited for warmer weather!

The boys & Jeff went to help get fish eggs - from fish (where else?) - for the fish hatchery (I don't understand it all, but it was pretty interesting).

It was part of a scout activity and everyone seemed to have a good time. They traveled to Henry's Lake where there's a fish ladder. Oliver told me they got to see a fish "milked" from its fin.

Who knew?

Best of all (for me) the Relief Society Birthday party went well and there was enough food, plenty of cakes, and a great program. Since I was in charge of the cakes, I'll post this picture. They turned out well, and I had lots of help (THANK YOU, KERRI & HEATHER & also to Val for the idea!). The frosting is colored with Kool-Aid for flavor and color (1 Pckg unsweetened Kool Aid per 1 container Rainbow Chip frosting). It took 1 1/2 cake mixes for each giant cupcake. The ladies seemed to like them. They cakes were mostly devoured, but I did rescue a left-over one to share with my kids, Jeff, my parents & Don.

Hair does not run long and thick in my family. Usually. Charlotte is the exception. Her hair is generally in braids, but every once in a while we'll let it down and it always startles me that a three-year-old of mine could have so much lovely hair.

The only problem is that with long hair comes lots of knots. Ah, the price of beauty. :)

And my other lovely girl, Eleanor, is home sick today (this seems to be a recurring theme in my blog). As I write this (while everyone else is at church) she's making bookmarks and hosting an art show - and her art is for sale if you're interested. Although I think she'd be just as happy giving it away free to anyone who smiles at her.

Samuel and Oliver discovered that dunking the ball really isn't as hard as they thought.

All it takes is faith and trust... ...oh, and something we forgot - Pixie Dust (and having a stool is okay, too). After Jeff cautioned the boys about falling teeth-first off the stool, we've resorted to just Pixie Dust. Doesn't seem to work so well, though.

Pickpocket: Charlotte (age 3) discovered my phone's camera this week. It's been quite the ordeal to convince her to give it back to me. She often carries it around anyway so she can play the preschool games, but now she's obsessed. She even pulls it from my pocket - the little thief! We've come to an agreement now - she must ask first. Still - I don't often have my phone with me. Oh, well. I think her photography has...potential?

Charlotte's feet - from her perspective. Cute toes. Nice floor.

The corner of a wall. It's actually a straight wall.

A close-up of Dad's jacket. Notice the fine lighting and detail of the shifting colors of grey fleece...

Mom. (Do I really look so tall to her?)

Dad (he really looks this tall to all of us)

Recipes: Well, not exactly recipes, but food. I made my French Bread (recipe is posted earlier in the blog) but this time I made individual loaves for the family, and one big one. The kids loved the little loaves.

These shish kabobs are from a while ago, but I'm posting it to remind me that I'm going to make these this week. Probably.

I made whole wheat couscous with chopped (steamed) mixed veggies (steamed the couscous in chicken broth). Yum.

I had left-over pudding from my Giant Cupcakes (I filled them with pudding in the center) so I couldn't let it go to waist - oops, I mean waste! :) I made a Boston Cream Pie since I had the stuff (including left-over chocolate frosting from my chocolate cake a while ago).

Now I'm on my semi-annual health-food kick (okay, more like every-fifth-year health-food kick). Boston Cream Pie doesn't need to be mentioned here. :)

So at the store, I had fun gathering the good stuff. That little container in the middle is fresh-squeezed (?pressed?) peanut butter. Fro-Zing is my kids' new favorite frozen dessert (frozen yogurt w/quite the little zing to it). I love making wraps with a 1/2 Flat-out bread, alfalfa sprouts, a smoked turkey deli slice, leafy green lettuce and brown mustard. Made stir-fry this week with mung bean sprouts, broccoli, matchstick carrots, celery, red peppers, green onions, and raisin tomatoes. Rice Cakes (the lightly salted ones) are a big hit here, too. I have to hide them from the kids!

Yeah, I had fun at the store. Hmm, one of these things is not like the other...

In my defense :) the Swiss Rolls are my emergency back-up for the boys' sack lunches if I've run out of home-made cookies (which rarely happens).

Family Stuff, Beef Soup, Cupcakes, German Pancakes, and more food

Family: Nothing warms my heart like seeing my guys do their homework without me asking! I felt like I'd died and gone to heaven when I walked in on them.

My girls adore Dad. He thinks they're pretty swell, too.

Synchronized swimming starts with the costume and the smile, right? Well, although we don't match exactly, we do all have caps on. And grins.

Early on in my blog I posted the very cool bike rack Jeff made out of PVC pipe. Now that it's winter, I'm posting the also-very-cool ski rack Jeff made. Super easy, super convenient. Every time I drive in the garage I just stare at this piece of board in awe - it has tidied up things so well. Thank you, Jeff!

The girls were sick enough to stay home from church, so they kept themselves quietly busy by piecing together this alphabet mat. They also dressed themselves to match from head to toe. Charlotte is by "C" and Eleanor is by "E". Of course.

RECIPES:

Beef Veg & Noodle Soup: This soup is one of those things I just put together without a recipe or measuring, so I'll try to remember what I did. Whatever it was, it turned out incredibly delicious. This is my new favorite soup (for this week, anyway).

I pan seared 2 beef round steaks,in a little oil and a lot of garlic and onion salt, then while it was resting on the cutting board (let meat rest before cutting), I sauteed veggies in the same pan. I used onions and celery and carrots (from the garden - they're still holding up from our fall harvest of my in-law's incredible garden). I then cubed the meat and threw the meat and veggies into the stock pot with water to cover it all by about 2 inches, beef bouillon (to taste - or beef broth), garlic salt, onion powder, and plenty of pepper (this is the secret ingredient - lots of pepper, but not too much). Bring it to boil and add egg noodles. Egg noodles will not swell and take up more space at the end than they do at the beginning like pasta, so put in as much as you like and know that it won't take up more room. Boil until noodles are soft. At the end, I added a can of home-canned green beans (drained, but you can add the water if you want - might be too salty, though). AND - for the OTHER secret ingredient - add a little basil. It gives it a rich deep taste similar to the Vietnamese soup Pho, which we LOVE. In fact, Jeff added Hoisin sauce to his soup (and Srirache sauce for heat - as in SPICEY) and he found it even more delicious.

To have my cake and eat it, too, is really just a bit too much for me.

I'm in charge of making the desserts for our upcoming Relief Society birthday party. I have a giant cupcake form and my friend (THANK YOU HEATHER!!!!!!!!!!) has two sets, so she came over yesterday and we baked 12 tops and 12 bottoms to these giant cupcakes for FIVE HOURS (plus a good 3 or more hours with a 6 am grocery trip, then 11 pm. clean-up, wrapping, finding freezer space). In my near future I see us spending another couple of hours unwrapping these frozen treats, filling the little hollow part inside with pudding, frosting them and decorating them. And then cleaning up. And then delivering them.

I am having nightmares of giant cupcakes eating me alive.

Jeff asked me why I didn't just order a large sheetcake, and who's idea was it anyway to do all this?

I had to answer him honestly - It was entirely my idea and I thought it'd be cuter than a sheetcake. In other words, I've dug my own grave. At least it's a tasty one.

You have to trim the cakes so the tops and bottoms match. With all the extra cake trimmings, I made this Trifle. Starting from the bottom up, the layers are cake, pudding, cool whip, blueberries & strawberries - then cake, pudding, and strawberry-flavored cool whip, topped with strawberries and a little raspberry jam in the center. It was sweet. Really. It was very sweet. I took this picture with it strategically placed in the fridge surrounded by a delightful background of Saran Wrap, Ranch Dressing, a jar of pickles, with just a glimpse of sour cream under. Oh, yeah, I'm definitely the great photographer. At least the lighting was good.

Here's a Chocolate Cupcake (pudding-filled) that I made for my family last week. I just can't seem to get away from these cupcakes.

The Ultimate Chocolate Cake Mix Cake: (NOTE: I'm going back to baking this in a Bundt pan and won't make this particular recipe in a giant cupcake pan again - it just doesn't end up right).

1 Devil's Food Cake Mix 4 Eggs

1 (5.9oz) box chocolate pudding mix (instant) 1 Cup. Vegetable Oil

1 Cup Sour Cream 1/2 Cup Water

2 Cups semisweet Chocolate Chips

Beat well (except Chocolate Chips) together, stir in chocolate chips, pour into greased 12 Cup Bundt pan, bake in preheated 350F oven for 50-55 minutes until top is springy and toothpick comes out clean. Let cool for an hour or more before turning out onto plate. Dust with powdered sugar.

BREAKFAST: Oliver reminded me on Wednesday night that he'd signed up to bring German Pancakes to his class's International Food Day. So I got up early and made these. Thankfully, they are easy. And I really like them. Plus it's a good alternative to the typical scrambled eggs if you're trying to get protein at breakfast. Thanks to my mother-in-law for this recipe!

German Pancakes:

6 Eggs 3 Tbs. butter/margarine

1 Cup Milk 1/2 tsp. vanilla

2 Tbs. Sugar 1 Cup Flour

Generously butter inside of large cake pan (I use a 10x15 usually, but you can double the recipe and use a jelly-roll pan like picture above). Preheat oven to 400F.

Crack eggs into blender and blend briefly. Then add all other ingredients and blend together. Pour into pan.

Bake for 20 minutes at 400F, then an additional 10 minutes at 350F. (or you can fry large individual pancakes - they turn out kind of like crepes - in a well-buttered frying pan, putting enough batter in the pan to cover the bottom. Turn over when set. When slightly brown on both sides slide out of pan onto plate. Add butter to pan before frying each pancake). Serve immediately - sprinkle with powdered sugar, or use syrup, jam, applesauce, or fruit as toppings.

Casserole is just another word for "Clean out the fridge". I really did have to clean out the fridge. Here's proof that you can create something ex nihil (out of nothing). I'm only posting it because it makes me feel like I've "arrived" at being the all-powerful stereotypical housewife - a place I never in a million years would have imagined I'd be and never aspired to be, but now that it has happened I'm darn right proud of it. :)

The best part of this creation was that everyone liked it. Lots.

Ingredients: Whatever you want. :) This has left-over chicken, broccoli, mushrooms, radiatore pasta, the rest of FOUR different pasta sauces, Italian sausage (the only thing I made anew for this dish which probably made the dish palatable), olives, green onions, baked together until heated through (about 20 minutes at 350F) and topped with 3 different kinds of cheese for the last 10 minutes to melt.

More Soup

I also made myself a Squash Bisque this week. Since I'm apparently the only one in my family who loves squash, I realize this is purely for me. The kids tried it, and were silent (at least they didn't complain, but I knew it wasn't their favorite). I sauteed onions and carrots and used squash (that we had harvested from my in-law's garden and I had already baked and frozen), chicken broth (or bouillon and water), seasonings (a little nutmeg does wonders). Boil it all until very soft, then use an immersion/stick blender to blend it all in the pot until smooth (or transfer to a blender in batches and blend - but BE CAREFUL! Hot soup in the blender has a tendency to explode on the first blend. Believe me, I know.)

At the very end, you can add cream (DON'T let it boil w/cream - it separates and curdles) but since it was just for me, I didn't. I like it without cream. Not that I'm trying to be all that healthy (okay, I am), but it just doesn't seem worth it to add the cream. So instead I added sour cream (yet another "secret" ingredient).

My friend Carole taught me how to make this amazing pizza. The crust is better than anything at a restaurant, and you can mix and match toppings to your heart's desire. I know I posted the pizza thing a long time ago, but it was tonight's dinner so I'm posting it again. I'll keep the crust a secret (since it's not my recipe), but I'll share the topping.

Spread olive oil over stretched pizza dough, then spread a generous (like 1/4 cup or more) amount of Thai Sweet Chili Sauce (instead of pizza sauce), cheese on that, cooked & cubed chicken or turkey, green onions - bake on hot pizza stone at 500F for about 5-8 minutes, remove and add fresh matchstick carrots, cilantro if you like, or any other vegetables (bean sprouts go with it - and you can substitute the chili sauce with peanut sauce if you want a milder taste).

Running: Okay, enough of the food talk. Now how about running... Well, I ran 7.25 yesterday, then I swam a mile today, and I plan on biking tomorrow and running again on Friday. Right now, it's all just for fun. I'm not in training mode at the moment. It simply makes me happy to get moving. I took a few weeks off then I got sick on my fourth week (what's up with this nasty flu/cold season re-emerging!? I thought winter diseases were over already!) so I'm getting back on my feet again and it's a little (okay, a LOT) discouraging that I've lost so much of my fitness, but it's coming back. Sheesh, with all this food I'm making I should have plenty of fuel to keep me running for the next six years!

Reading: I'm reading The Anatomy of Peace by the Arbinger Institute. IT IS FABULOUS. Talk about learning how to make peace! Believe it or not, it all starts with yourself. Dang. That means I have to take responsibility? Oh, and it's my second time through. I just can't seem to remember to behave all the time and I need the reminder.

Skiing

This goes along with our Harriman adventure, I just didn't post it at the same time. Jeff is pulling Charlotte (nice, smooth skiing!) and Eleanor has decided to sit down for a moment and complain about being sweaty - which I could hardly believe because I was FREEZING!

Harriman State Park

This past Monday (President's Day) we took the kids out for a family cross-country ski trip to Harriman State Park (Island Park). It was gorgeous. I love these memory-making activities. They are fun at the time, but still seem to get even better the more time passes (I'm already forgetting how cold I was). Here's the crew getting ready for our day. Sam, Oliver, Charlotte (in the sled), Jeff, and Eleanor. I'm behind the camera.

Sam gliding down the trail.

Oliver catching up to Charlotte.

Here's a picture of my backpack and me (proof that I was here, right?), giving great advice to Oliver on untangling yourself from the skinny skis. I'm not sure he listened, but he did get himself upright. Eleanor is the pink and purple gal.

Eleanor (my budding naturalist) was a great sport - nothing kept her down. In fact, all the kids were great and would just hop back up when they fell. Also pictured is Charlotte (in the sled behind Jeff), who happily coached us all while munching on fruit snacks. Sorry we didn't get good face pictures, but the scenery is lovely, isn't it?

Wow. Just wow.

Beautiful swans just off the trail - they kept poking their heads up over the snow bank to peek at us. We peeked back.

I was absolutely delighted to run into one of my dearest friends of all time! Years ago (like almost 18!? Is that right?) Sarah (who did a great job as camp cook) and I worked together at Badger Creek - an Outdoor Learning Center where we took groups on high ropes course, horse back rides (I loved the horses), climbing walls, initiative courses, taught outdoor survival (oh, yeah - I was queen of the bow drill and the flint-started fires) and all things camping.

On our time off, Sarah and I took to hiking in the surrounding mountains and canyons (read: the Tetons!) Now we're all growed up. She was skiing with her husband and two little girls (pulling her baby in a chariot kind of like ours) when we bumped into each other (not literally). I can't tell you how that brightened my day. Pictures are post-bump (back at the parking lot).

Charlotte's Cafe: I couldn't resist posting this, although it has nothing to do with cross-country skiing. Charlotte set out the stuffed animals and fed them all lunch. I think it's adorable.

Baklava, Tortilla Flat, Braces

RECIPES:

I had a hankerin' for a hunk o' Baklava this week, which I've never made but have eaten enough to know it's yummy. The first time I had it was during my study abroad in Israel. The most recent time I had it was at a restaurant in Williams, AZ on our Grand Canyon trip this past October. It's delicious, but too sweet to have regularly.

Anyway, after perusing sites and reading reviews and comparing recipes, I merged a couple of Baklava recipes to yield the following successful dessert. Have fun!

Ingredients:

1 (16oz) package phyllo (fillo) dough THAWED (to thaw it takes 2 hours on counter or overnight in fridge)

1 lb. chopped nuts - I use walnuts and hazelnuts (Note: lightly toast nuts on nonstick pan prior to chopping)

1 Cup real butter, melted

1 tsp. ground cinnamon

1/2 cup sugar

zest of one lemon (OPTIONAL)

Honey Syurp (some recipes called for less, some for more - this is in between. Next time I might do a little less because it was pretty sweet):

1 1/2 Cup water

1 1/2 Cup white sugar

1 1/2 tsp. vanilla extract

3/4 cup honey

Directions:

1. Make honey syrup first so it has plenty of time to cool. Boil sugar and water until sugar is melted. Add vanilla and honey. Simmer about 20 minutes, then let cool to room temperature (place in fridge to cool faster if desired). Apparently a cool sauce poured on hot Baklava makes it turn out crispy.

2. Preheat oven to 325F. Butter the bottoms and sides of a 9x13 pan (I used glass, although metal might work fine, too).

3. Lightly toast nuts (unless they're already chopped too small) then chop (I used my blender). Toss nuts with sugar and cinnamon and lemon zest (if desired). Set aside.

4. Unroll phyllo dough. If the sheets are long and not pre-cut, cut the whole stack in half to fit the pan. Sheets may be a little long and a little wide - it's fine. Cover phyllo with a dampened cloth or damp paper towel to keep from drying out as you work. Place two sheets of dough in pan, then butter thoroughly. I used a pastry brush and melted butter. (Lighter but less tasty versions call for spraying cooking oil instead). Repeat, buttering every 2nd sheet, until you have 8 sheets layered. Butter the 8th sheet, also. Sprinkle 3-4 Tbs. of nut mixture on top. Top with two sheets of dough, butter, nuts, dough, butter, nuts, etc. until all the nuts are used up, but make sure you have about 6-8 sheets left for top layer. (Butter between every 2nd layer on top 6-8 sheets, too. Butter top sheet also).

5. Using a sharp knife, cut into diamond or square shapes all the way to the bottom of the pan. You can cut 4 long rows, then make diagonal cuts. Make sure they're not so big they won't fit in the muffin cups if you use them for serving (which I recommend since they're so sticky). Bake for about 40-50 minutes until Baklava is golden and crisp.

6. Remove Baklava from oven and immediately spoon cool syrup over it. Let cool (and let honey syrup be absorbed). For extra crispness and a nice golden top, I then placed the pan on the lower racks under the broiler for just a couple of minutes (WATCH CLOSELY!). Let cool again.

7. Serve in individual paper muffin cups. Top each piece with chopped pecans or chopped pecans & walnuts, if desired.

8. Leave uncovered as it gets soggy if it is wrapped up. This freezes well, if you have any left over.

Tortilla Flat: Well, sometimes I just don't want to follow a recipe, so I make it up as I go. That's what happened here, although I'm sure there are plenty of similar recipes running through my mind that unconsciously contributed to the final outcome, which ended up being really tasty. I was surprised because usually when I make stuff up it's a total waste of time and ingredients.

I took some (12) corn tortillas and lightly fried (is there such a thing?) them up in some very hot vegetable oil. Alton Brown said if you fry things hot they don't absorb the oil, so it's the least unhealthy way to eat fried foods. I have no idea if that makes it okay, but I don't mind a little justifying as long as it tastes good.

I then took my fried up tortillas and baked them in a 350F oven on a sheet pan for about 15 minutes - I was going for crisp, not greasy.

Then:

1. 1 can of black beans, drained, then blended with a hand blender and about 1 tsp. cumin mixed in. Spread a thin layer of black bean mush on each crip tortilla.

2. Sprinkle cheese over black bean mush and pop back in the oven just until melted.

3. I sliced onions and tomatillos and sauteed them until soft and caramelized (sprinkle a little sugar for caramelizing and a little salt for flavor while suateeing).

4. Top with fresh tomatoes, lettuce, salsa, guacamole, sour cream, green onions, cilantro or whatever you like.

5. Serve with Mexican rice - I just cook long grain white rice in the rice cooker then when done I mix in monterey jack cheese until it's melted then dump in a little salsa and mix it up.

Everyone liked it, so that was a huge accomplishment.

FAMILY:

The big news this week was that Samuel got braces! Friday morning while everyone else was at school, we were at our friend's orthodontic office.

Sam only has the front four teeth and the back molars on top in braces right now. We have to wait for baby teeth to fall out before he gets the full set.

Oh, while we were there, Andy lazered Sam's mouth because of a canker that would rub on his new braces. They got to wear cool glasses.

Final product (semi-final, actually, since there's a lot more to come): Glow-in-the-dark braces. Whoa. I told him that seeing floating, glowing, teeth would be just creepy, but Sam just smiled.

After braces and on the way to school, we stopped say goodbye to little cousin (my niece) Marianna and her mommy Annmarie. We've really enjoyed having them here and watching her grow up a little, but we're excited they can be back with Uncle Ted who has been serving as a Captain in the Army in Afghanistan (his 2nd deployment).

No braces here, but those are some mighty fine chocolate eyes. But Oliver, where are your glasses!?

Ah, there they are - Oliver lounging around (with his glasses on) and a winter storm in the background. We were sooo close to spring, until last night. As Jeff says, this is Idaho after all - it's too soon for spring. Boooo :(

While digging through some of my stuff, I found these jeans that Charlotte is sporting. Yes, they were mine. And I had long braids like she did (except my hair was red). And, best of all, my very own mother made these jeans. My, my time flies.

My mom also made this Strawberry Shortcake costume that the girls have fallen in love with. I wore it for Halloween when I was 6 or 7. The white dress Charlotte has on is actually supposed to drape over the pink one Eleanor has on, but both girls wanted to wear something so I split it apart (which is why Eleanor has on a pink stocking hat instead of her own Strawberry Shortcake hat - this is only one costume).

This looked so pretty I just had to post it. Happy Valentine's Day to me from Jeff.